The Warning Sign

2006-04-19T18:09:00.000-04:00

Free Benjamin McKenzie

In honor of this little rumor from Ausiello...

Ausiello: "A major O.C. player — someone you have come to know and love — will hover near death in the finale. Doesn't feel good, does it?"

...Here's hoping that Ryan finally dies, so that Benjamin McKenzie can actually take jobs that require skill. Like his role in Junebug. I haven't watched the OC in a million years, but I'm sure his talent is still getting wasted, like Taylor Townsend's.

When a minor league player is performing extremely well and deserves to be called up, but another player on the major league affiliate is blocking him, the common thing heard is, "FREE ____ ____."

So in honor of minor league baseball, and the baseball season in general.

FREE BENJAMIN MCKENZIE

2006-02-02T18:21:00.000-05:00

Another Top 5

I hesitate to create lists. I haven't been as active as a moviegoer as I would've liked to been this year. So off this list is Syriana, Capote, Brokeback Mountain, 9 Lives, along with a multitude of others.

I hesitate to do this because I don't want to put myself in the class of the uninformed, like the people at WWTD or Gorilla Mask. Their general knowledge of pop culture and movies are sad. Considering that their sites revolve around pop culture this is an unforgivable sin. Regardless, they do have a good eye for web gems and nudie pics...

Anyway, I present a flawed 2005 best of movies list.

1. The Squid and the Whale
I have been debating with myself whether I should have this number one, knowing that the list-making challenged Stephen King also did so for EW. But what can I say? It's great. Lou Reed's "Street Hassle" (which ends the film), is one of the most perfect/best songs to end a movie in a while.

2. Match Point
Woody Allen is one of my favorite American directors. And I have held back from watching his most recent movies: The critically shitted on (Anything else, Hollywood Ending, etc...). This movie is beautiful, plus Scarjo gets her shirt torn off and has a wet t-shirt scene...

2a. King Kong
A beautiful opening montage is the best thing of the first 30 minutes. But the next two and a half hours will go down in cinematic history.

3. Junebug
Benjamin McKenzie shows how much of his talent is being wasted on the OC.

4. The 40 Year Old Virgin
Steve Carrell should be nominated. Seriously.

5. Munich
Spielberg is still a god.

Links: I feel like Zach Galifianakis is finally gonna blow up to Dane Cook status soon. The shit he does in Fiona Apple's new video is hilarious ("Not About Love"). I just hope if and when he does get big, America (namely college kids) don't go all Dane crazy. It's ok to be a fan and go wild, but just don't pretend you discovered him (or invented comedy for that matter). If you never watched "Late World with Zach" on Vh1 (or on Boston Common for that matter, then you are coming in pretty late.

Same thing with Mitch Hedberg (may he rest in peace). I first saw him in like 1995-7 on TV. Way before most people. But I don't try to pretend i'm his biggest fan.

In other news: Love Monkey is the best show ever.

2006-01-10T18:04:00.003-05:00

Another Top Five

I hesitate to create a list. I haven't been as active as a moviegoer as I would've liked to been this year. So off this list is Syriana, Match Point, Brokeback Mountain, 9 Lives, along with a multitude of others.

I hesitate to do this because I don't want to put myself in the class of the uninformed, like the people at WWTD or Gorilla Mask. Their general knowledge of pop culture and movies are horrible. Considering that their sites revolve around pop culture this is an unforgivable sin. Regardless, they do have a good eye for web gems and nudie pics...

Anyway, I present a flawed 2005 best of movies list.

1. The Squid and the Whale
I have been debating with myself whether I should have this number one, knowing that the list-making challenged Stephen King also did so for EW. But what can I say? It's great. Lou Reed's "Street Hassle" (which ends the film), is one of the most perfect/best songs to end a movie in a while.

2. King Kong
A beautiful opening montage is the best thing of the first 30 minutes. But the next two and a half hours will go down in cinematic history.

3. Junebug
Benjamin McKenzie shows how much of his talent is being wasted on the OC.

4. The 40 Year Old Virgin
Steve Carrell should be nominated. Seriously.

5. Munich
Spielberg is still a god.

2005-11-18T13:09:00.000-05:00

I like the way the French think:

I take issue with www.WWTDD.com a lot. Apparently Ali G doesn't make him laugh?!? But the site continually comes through with good media. And as long as that happens I will at least respect it. For now.

Sometimes I wish I was French. They seem to churn out skinny blondes with big tits like they were Café Lattés. Plus said blondes never have a problem with baring it all on the big screen. That's hot.

Anyway,

Fleur Delacour is naked.

And going along with the French theme, the hot chick from Swimming Pool. Ludivine Sagnier.

"Oh, no, that’s not her kind of thing. I mean, if it maintains any of the complex eroticism of the French original. I like the way they think."
-George Michael Bluth

2005-11-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

It's that time again. When I stop making posts and demand gifts in return.

I churned it out a little early this year because I figured I should get it out before Thanksgiving (when a lot of X-mas shopping is done). It's a pretty good list this year, though, I haven't added killing Josh Hartnett to this one (it was killing Jared Leto this year). I feel I have grown a little.

I have given up on getting Alias. Which may be a good thing...The series is ending soon and I am gonna hope for a boxed set of all the seasons.

The gift ideas are broken up into sections, and indvidually ranked within the section. One being the best and so forth.

Anyway, Prison Break is coming on soon so here it is:

DVD on TV:
1) Buffy the Vampire Slayer - The Chosen Collection
2) Sports Night - The Complete Series
3) Arrested Development Season 2
4) Newsradio - Seasons 1 and 2
5) Da Ali G Show Season 2
6) Aqua Teen Hunger Force Volume 3 or 4
7) Garfield and Friends, Volume 1

Movies on DVD:
1) Grand Illusion – Criterion Collection
2) 8 1/2 - Criterion Collection
3) Wedding Crashers - Uncorked Edition (for my b-day, cuz of the release date)
4) La Dolce Vita (2-Disc Collector's Edition)
5) The 40-Year-Old Virgin (Unrated Edition)
6) Groundhog Day Special Edition
7) Dr. Strangelove (40th Anniversary Two-Disc Special Edition)
8) Chasing Amy – Criterion Collection

Gamecube games:
1) Ultimate Spider-Man
2) The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction

CDs:
1) Elliot Smith - From a Basement on the Hill
2) Franz Ferdinand – You Could Have it so Much Better
3) The Rolling Stones - Forty Licks
4) Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine

Practical:
1) Money
2) Color or B&W cartridges for a HP Deskjet 3740
3) Break Josh Hartnett's knees

Best Gift Ever:
0) Lunch with Kristen Bell

And mom, you don't owe me nothing.

Updated: 11/18

2005-10-20T00:45:00.000-04:00

When the Pawn...

Continuing with the top five retrospective it's my turn to be reviewed and scrutinized. I'll admit in my yesteryears I was a little naive but I think my 2000 list shows a pretty high level of maturity.

If there is one theme I would point my three readers too, it would be the influence of TV and movies in my life. Back then I was digging Lord of the Rings, Alias, and Buffy (I still dig them now, but it started then). One could surmise constant viewing ingrained these beauties in my mind. I would beg to differ and just say these women on my list, then and now, are just plain gorgeous.

On to my lists:

My top five list then:
1. Eliza Dushku
2. Anna Kournikova
3. Jennifer Garner
4. Gwyneth Paltrow
5. Cate Blanchett

My top five list now:
1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Kristen Bell
3. Jennifer Garner
4. Jennifer Connelly
5. Gwyneth Paltrow

For purposes of not wanting to interview myself, the questions were asked by Nick from Hokie Stories. He is a veritable Joan Chen.

HP: First off, I'd like to thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to speak with me tonight.
Mikey: I had to cancel dinner with Bronson Pichot. I can't pass up an interview with the legendary Hokie.
HP: Thank you. I have to say, your new list seems to have been completely renovated with the exception of Gwyneth Paltrow and Jennifer Garner. What happened?
Mikey: I think there was a huge paradigm shift between 2000 and 2005. Like you my values changed, as did my taste. Anna Kournikova was a horrible mistake. I mean she is still hot, but I think I was too caught up in the fashion of liking her. If I had to pinpoint one major change in what I look for it's personality. Which is why classy ladies like Gwynny and Jenny stayed, to round out this cast of great women.
HP: While on the topic of Gwyneth. How jealous are you of Chris Martin right now?
Mikey: At the risk of sounding gay, I am jealous of Gwyneth.
HP: (Laughs) I see you have a relatively unknown at your number one spot. Where did you discover this classy lady?
Mikey: Well I can't say she is unknown now, but certainly I feel I got into her before it became fashionable to dig her mojo. I first laid eyes on her in The Horse Whisperper, but she was young and I was young, so I thought nothing of it. But the first time I saw Lost in Translation I was hooked on what she was selling. Her body isn't flawless, though she is very voluptuous, and I dig that. Her voice is one of a kind. I guess you could say she's my Rachel McAdams.
(Mikey takes a shit break)
HP: How was it?
Mikey: A two flusher.
HP: Sick…I see we have one chick in common in our top 5, that being Jennifer Connelly. What is your attraction to her and when since 2000 did she qualify as being in your top 5?
Mikey: Let's see, when did A Beautiful Mind come out? 2001? Whenever that was would be it. I can say this without any hesitation; she has the best body of all on my list. She is the one on my list with the biggest breasts, most beautiful hair, and most years. I guess it says a lot about one and two then that she is number three.
HP: I'm sure it does. Kristen Bell seemed to have shot up high on your list. She seems like the kind of girl you could bring home and meet the parents in that picture, but I have to say that it is kind of sad she would cover her rack.
Mikey: I think you hit the nail on the head there sir. She seems to be a meat and potatoes kinda girl. But without the potatoes because I don't like them. But don't get me wrong, she is sexy as hell. And if you ever look her up, there are some pictures of her just scrappin and yellin'. This chick will be a staple on my list for years to come. My word is as strong as oak.
HP: Speaking of years to come, I see Gwynny has stepped down a spot. Is it possible that her run in your top 5 may come to an end in 2010?
Mikey: I'd say it's entirely possible. To tell you the truth I had a hard time picking a number five at all.
HP: Please elaborate.
Mikey: Well, let's be honest we live in the golden age of hot women. It was really a four horse race for the 5th spot. It was gonna be either the incumbent, Kate Bosworth, Evangeline Lilly, or Rachel Nichols. They all have nice qualities. I was ready to put Nichols on actually. But I figured you know the fact that I'm considering Gwynny is huge, because we have learned already that being on the 2000 list and 2005 list is a huge accomplishment. I'd figure I'd recognize her staying power, and give her one last hoorah (if it in fact is). O ya, she is hot as hell.
HP: In total agreement with you there, but how do you perceive Garner doing in 2010? She's made the list twice and is still at number 3. Can we expect to see her on your list down the road?
Mikey: At the moment I don't see her losing any ground. I have to remind myself this is a list of hotties and I can't factor availability into it (damn you affleck). I love watching this babe on late nite talk shows. She seems like the ultimate wife. She digs baseball cuz Ben is into it, she's a homebody, and she is in one of my favorite TV shows (a lot like Bell). I think it would have to take something big to move her. The way I see it, she has already thrown the anchor down.
HP: I like the cut of your jib. Sadly, my time with you is up. I hope to be interviewing you again in another 5 years time.
Mikey: No doubt. It's been a pleasure. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

I'd like to make one quick parting comment about Eliza Dushku since it didn't come up in the interview. I used to wake up everyday before High School and watch a Buffy episode on FX. For some reason FX was always showing seasons where Faith was on. Eliza, even though you may not be on my list now, you are an unbelievable beauty.

Why do my thoughts loom so large on me?
They seem to stay, for day after day
And won't disappear, I've tried every way

But she smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
She smiled sweetly
And says don't worry
Oh, no no no
-She Smiled Sweetly, The Rolling Stones

~fin

2005-10-18T23:59:00.000-04:00

Gonna go back in time

When I was a sophmore in High School in 2000, me and my buddies came up with our top five babes (kinda in honor of the great flick High Fidelity). Our interest kinda snowballed and the top five became a pretty cheesy site, but we all dug it. The "we" in question is Nick from HP, KG from the guy boning your sister, and me Mikey.

On the fifth anniversary we take a look back.

Consider this nostalgia if you want, but actually it's a pretty sweet case study. You can see how each one of us has changed by comparing the lists. Feel free to draw your own conclusions.

We will start with Nick:

His top five list then:
1. Jessica Simpson
2. Kathleen Robertson
3. Shannon Elizabeth
4. Rebecca Romijn (was Stamos then)
5. Michelle Rodriguez

His top five list now:
1. Rachel McAdams
2. Jesssica Simpson
3. Jennifer Connelly
4. Elisha Cuthbert
5. Jessica Boehrs

The list maker has a chance to defend himself and shed light on the changes. For these purposes dialogue was opened up with Nick. I took the liberty of asking him the questions, as he will for me when we go over my top five (past and present)...

TWS: First let me say, I dig the list.
Nick: I appreciate it. It took me a long time to figure out, but it all seemed to work out.
TWS: True ‘nuff. Before I get to the huge news of a new number one, let's talk about the three other new faces. What do you think brought about this huge makeover to your previous list?
Nick: I believe it is all about growth. If you remember, I had made that list back in 2000. My taste in women has grown very mature since then. I actually look back and laugh at some of my picks. Michelle Rodriguez? What was I thinking? This new list are the girls who just drop my jaw, and have the qualities I like (face, attitude, hair, and well let's face it, rack). I believe the newcomers, namely Jennifer Connelly, Elisha Cuthbert and Jessica Boehrs are great additions who support my taste.
TWS: It's funny you bring up rack. That seems to be the one factor that still remains. It was prevalent in 2000 w/ Shannon Elizabeth, Jessica Simpson, and Kathleen Robertson, all boasting probably D-cups...I take it that taste never goes away?
Nick: Boobs.
TWS: True. Jessica Simpson has the honor of being the only hottie back in 2005. But she lost her top spot to an actress...who can actually act! Not to mention Rachel McAdams boobs probably don't surpass a B-cup. You're obviously digging her intangibles. What are they?
Nick: Aura. I don't know how to put it any other way. She just beams beautiful to me. I totally digged her in Mean Girls (where I was first introduced to her) and then she stole my heart in Wedding Crashers. Finding out she was almost 30 was a real downer to me, but then I realized, "Jesus, I'm in my 20's now" so I guess it wasn't so bad after all. We're getting old man...
TWS: Yes we are, which brings me to another point. There is a strong contingent of youth: Cuthbert, Boehrs, Simpson. Play odds maker, what are the chances one of them takes over the top spot in 5 years?
Nick: Honestly, there is a great chance that one can take over. Five years is a long time and some of these girls still have potential, even on top of what I see in them already. But you can never count out newcomers. Just as shown this year, newcomers could run the show; which makes these exciting.
TWS: Ok, I don't like to dwell in the past, but I have to bring it up. Do you still got love for the Scary Movie girls Robertson and Elizabeth?
Nick: It is hard to say you know? They are rarely seen these days. I did however see Shannon Elizabeth at the Main Event recently, but I didn’t seem to be as attracted to her as I was back in the day. As for Kathleen Robertson, I haven't seen her since Scary Movie 2. I feel my list of women back then were too spur of the moment, it was mainly comprised of who "tickled my fancy" at the time.
TWS: And this list will hold up better u think?
Nick: I feel it will, mainly because I have had 5 years to think about who struck me as Top 5 material. These girls are going to be hard to top!
TWS: Ok Hokie, two more questions.
Nick: Let's do this.
TWS: If I ran into Jessica Simpson on the street, and was able to talk without babbling, what would I tell her she would have to do regain her top spot? Or can she? (I am hoping the phrase nude pictorial comes up)
Nick: (Laughs) That would certainly boost her up a few points! One of the most notable things she has done within the past 5 years for me was the Dukes of Hazzard music video. Now you can't tell me you don't get a boner every time you watch that video. F*** the movie, you get to see her for free on Launch whenever you damn well please! As for regaining her top spot, it is possible, but she has stiff competition that is Rachel McAdams, who actually DID get nude in a movie. And by stiff, yes I do mean my cock.
TWS: I knew you did…Ok last one. Looks and rank aside, who on your list is hands down the best fuck?
Nick: Wow... you have me in quite a pickle here don't you Mikey. I COULD go with Jennifer Connelly, who although being the oldest in the list, has the most experience and can probably do some crazy unheard of maneuvers; that would be hot. Or I could go with Jessica Simpson, whose body is so tight and curvy. She strikes me as a whiner in bed, and I can definitely dig that. But there is also Elisha Cuthbert who would look hot giving head. Can I say "head"? F*** it, I said it. But if I had to choose just one...I would go with Jessica Simpson.
TWS: You obviously know your shit. I gotta go call Mama's donuts...How about we revisit your list in 2010?
Nick: Sounds like a plan. Until then...

~fin

2005-10-13T19:01:00.000-04:00

Evangeline Lilly in the Shower

2005-09-29T23:32:00.000-04:00

The Week

This week saw a Lost episode that had the message boards claiming it was the worst episode ever. They clearly never saw the season one finale.

The second episode of season two was actually one of the best episodes the series has done. Showing the same incident from different point of views was absolutely necessary for the narrative of the show. For people to lambast about not getting answers, and ignoring the obvious necessity of the dialogue between Locke and Desmond is incredible.

The Dharma logo keeps showing up everywhere. It was on the shark (though without the swan and the words). I can't wait for this to be further explored.

I also hope the black dude from OZ rapes some people.

The Alias premiere was pretty good. Rachel Nichols looked cute as shit. B

And Serenity premieres Friday. This is a great day for every Browncoat in the verse. If you're gonna see it, see it twice and on the third time tell them old mikey sent ya.

Peace in the middle east.

2005-09-21T00:08:00.000-04:00

I think this line is mostly filler

Let's pretend like Sandra Lee and Emily Deschanel didn't happen. Cuz i want to label this underrated/overlooked hotties post the TV edition.

Rachel Nichols is joining Alias this year, after her show The Inside was cancelled. Her movie credits include The Amityville Horror and Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry met Lloyd.

Kristen Bell is snoopin' still on the crtical darling Veronica Mars. Joss loves it too.

Overlooked hotties/who have been or are still on overlooked shows:

2005-09-13T15:59:00.000-04:00

New Breed

Celebrating underated hotties (see Sandra Lee) all this month.

Emily Deschanel:

"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide"

Though she shares initials with erectile dysfunction, I won't imagine you'll have to worry about that while watching Bones. Which is in fact a mediocre show based on the Pilot. But if you based viewing habits on pilots you might still be watching Boston Legal. I'll give it a try.

P.S. The scene where she goes for the baseball bat is hot as shit.

2005-09-05T19:32:00.000-04:00

Brainwash

Recently, I have noticed myself labeling anyone I see on TV as hot. I think there is a complex conjecture to be said about this, but I’ll put it simply: if you see them on the box you usually want to see theirs.

Case and point, Sandra Lee.

This picture doesn't really do Sandra Lee much justice, but the problem is that there is a huge dearth of stock photos on this hot Food Network chick. She's like the bangable Martha Stewart and makes Rachel Ray look like a big overgrown muffin.

Probably the biggest disservice this book does is have her arms in front of her incredible chest. I mean, if you are ever really bored (or I guess feeling a little peckish) at 5:30 on a weekday, check her out. If not for food, awesome decorating tips, at least check her out for her impressive rack.

I find myself eerily drawn to her show. Even weirder, when I am watching I begin to have an imaginary dialogue with her. It usually consists of me wondering why she keeps eye fucking me and if she wore that low cut top for me. It then ends with me asking if I can eat a strawberry tart off her ass.

It is very weird.

But very true.

In other news...Scarlett Johansson is in Woody Allen's Matchpoint. And i'm digging this pic.

2005-08-09T03:19:00.000-04:00

Reconnecting with my Scarjo jonesin'

If it ever even went away...Scarjo recently attended the UK premiere of the Island, here is a picture:

I wonder how it feels to go to a premiere of a movie that you know is already bombing. Probably a lot like going to a Seattle Mariners game midseason...Except with the M's, you knew it from the start.

Anyway, this pic is from the new Scarlettjohansson.org, which recently consolidated with scarlettfan (who now runs the merged two). I was gonna post a picture that emphasized cleavage even more, but decided that it would overwhelm the page. A link though, should handle it.

Cheers.

2005-08-09T00:43:00.000-04:00

New Layout

There are several reasons for changing things up. For one, the old layout hit a snag and the text wouldn't wrap. It was seriously pissing me off. Another thing was that I wanted to get it done now before I went back to school (when the semi-regular posting will resume). Plus I needed some pink in my layout.

For reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture the layout looks shitty in IE. It looks fine in Firefox, but if this becomes a problem I'll try to tinker...or at least feign some interest.

The layout is pretty simple, so actually I probably will tinker, but for now it will do. Also, some posts were deleted out of frustration with the old layout, if anyone is wondering.

Anyway, school starts in several weeks, and with the A's making a serious run new posts will come.

2005-05-03T10:01:00.000-04:00

I Saw the Sign

In response to recent comments on why I haven't posted anything about the trailer of Serenity, I responded with the fact that I haven't figured out an angle yet.

Alas today, in search of material I went back to IMDB to check out other people's birthdays (as the Rock's birthday post worked out so well). Then I saw the sign....

Sir?

You saw the sign? You were up for a week. You coulda seen Jack Ruby. You don't know what you saw your first time out.

Sir, I know what I saw.

You didn't see no sign baby, 'cause she wasn't there. The hardest thing, y'know what it is? It isn't going in the door, it's coming out. You ever come down offa drugs? The most powerful drug in the world is adrenaline. I told you everything I know. Stand down.

...So maybe it isn't a sign, but it was close enough.

Happy Birthday Christine Hendricks, AKA Saffron

Now Saffron was only in two episodes of Firefly and isn't even in Serenity, but I think it's pertinent we talk about the trailer. Shall we?

First let me say the omission of Saffron is a grave mistake. But seeing as this is the first movie in a trilogy (if the other two get made it will be a miracle), it's an omission that may just get remedied later. Does anyone think her and Bryce Dallas Howard should play sisters in a movie?

In regards to the trailer itself. I'm geting a very big Matrix/Star Wars vibe (not withstanding the presence of Gina Torres), especially in a scene where Firefly is traveling with and coming upon a huge fleet of star destroyer looking ships. It looks like a remastered version of the star battle over Endor, or the Nebuchadnezzar taking on whatever it was they took on. This isn't and probably not what the movie is gonna look like, but I think for the trailer it will serve well to get the AVP audience to this flick.

In regard to the best lines of the film, many are pointing to Captain Reynolds' "I aim to misbehave." It's good but definitely not the greatest. Jayne's "Let's be bad guys," in its simplicity is the cream of the crop. Another notable is the assasins reply of, "I do," about killing little girls. It is probably a close second.

Speaking of which, the casting of Chiwetel Ejiofor as the assasin is genius. Anybody's fimography which spans from Dirty Pretty Things to Love Actually to She Hate Me is a bonafide god.

Other notables: The small appearance of reavers=good.
The small appearance of Kaylee=bad.
The disappearance of Shepard Book=bad.

Finally, if anyone can tell me what movie I referenced in the beginning of this post will get some straight respect. No imdb'ing or googling the quote either.

-Fin

2005-05-02T17:41:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Dwayne Johnson!

I wrote a poem.

The Rock is the greatest
No better in the land
When I saw The Rundown
I was convinced he's the Man.

-TWS

2005-04-25T20:28:00.000-04:00

To buy or not to buy

This week's purchase concern's the John Travolta tour de force:

Profile:

Director - Shainee Gabel

Writer - Same unpronouncable name.

Cast: Vincent Vega
Scarjo
And some other fuck

Other crap...
Release Date: January 21st (worldwide)
Nudity: No.
Tagline: The heart is a lonley hunter.
Tagline blows?: Uh duh.
Charles Dutton Sighting: Unfortunately no.
Seen it: Not yet.
Ugly DVD cover - Affirmative

Cons:
-Rotten Tomatoes Meter: 42%
-Sample Review: "A Love Song for Bobby Long works hard to give quirk a bad name." (Ty Burr, Boston Globe)
-This Gabriel Machtttt dude is in it.
-It's not "A Love Song for Bobby Fischer"

Pros:

Verdict: No Buy. Why? The slow motion button on my dvd remote is broken.

2005-04-08T12:45:00.000-04:00

My Summer Girl

Yesterday it was 84, and today it's 63, they forecast in a couple days for it to be in the 50s (I love wearing shorts and a t-shirt one day and wearing my parka the next)...

It's not Summer don't get me wrong, but every two days it feels like it. I like to pretend it is, because that means I can bare 10 hours of less TV a day, and I can blast my Beck at all hours. I can also pretend to have a functioning TV remote (for the few hours I will watch TV), but when it rattles like a maraca that will likely break the illusion. Great Summer blockbusters come out (Batman Begins, Kingdom of Heaven, Episode 3), and I can lose 20 dollars a day buying industrial sized popcorn buckets. So it seems a lot of great things happen in the Summer, and TWS is here to tell you, in a more universal sense, what they are.

Summer Perks:

-Opening the door and windows and blasting Dido's tour de force, "Life for Rent."

-DMB's annual Summer Tour.

-Girls where these kick ass tops.
(Note: Even a pregnant Gwynny can get me hot!)

-Boning up on my Jackie Collins novels.

-Opening the car windows and blasting Dido's masterpiece, "No Angel."

-Mary Jane Watson.

-A's perpetually making my blood pressure rise.

AND SAHARA BABY

2005-03-31T23:53:00.000-05:00

In Memoriam

"I wish I could play Little League now. I'd kick some fuckin' ass."

2005-03-24T18:58:00.000-05:00

Sense and Sensibility

This post revolves around two men. One whose is life is hopeless and the other who still may have hope yet.

The Hopeless: Curt Schilling

This guy is a complete douche.

A quote from Robert Saunooke, Jose Canseco's Lawyer: "Curt's inconsistencies indicate that he has no clue but supports baseball so he can keep his high-paying job."

No shit. The guy backtracks his comments like he's on rewind. Let's compare some Schilling quotes:

In 2004: "I'll pat guys on the ass, and they'll look at me and go, 'Don't hit me there, man. It hurts,'" Schilling says. "That's because that's where they shoot the steroid needles."

In 2005: From an AP article about the testimonies, in a particular Schilling: He also said he had never seen steroids in pill or liquid form or seen a player inject himself and doesn't know which players used them.

He obviously fucking does know some players who did. The dipshit. He did say at the testimony that in the past he grossly overstated some comments, but I still don't thank that reconciles the 2004 comment. It's obvious the 2004 comment is pure truth and he played whistle-blower just cuz he is a major attention whore. It would only be grossly overstated if he said everybody was like that.

He also called Canseco's career a sham because Jose took steroids (which was entirely legal in Canseco's time). Sorry Giambi, Bonds, etc... I guess that means your careers were all a sham too. *whisper* Don't worry about it JG. Schill is a cunt. *whisper*

This guy is also the dude that yelled on national television,"the best Red Sox team ever!"

Which is straight bullshit. And is just another example of his obvious hubris. I could easily say the 1912 Red Sox was the best team ever. I think we can all agree that Johnny Damon is a poor man's Tris Speaker...

The Hopeful: Martin Scorcese

The director, that is.

Yeah, the guy lost again. My advice: Quit Directing. Yeah, I know he's a genius, but the hassle isn't worth it if he doesn't get the naked gold man.

What should he do?

Start acting. He showed off his incredible voice talents in Shark Tale. Then if that doesn't pan out, you can direct again. That's the new trend in Hollywood anyway, actors winning oscars for directing. Clint Eastwood just won and Vin Diesel is certainly gonna win for Hannibal (I mean is there any question on that?).

Don't give up, just follow the warning signs.

2005-03-07T00:50:00.000-05:00

The Greatest Movie of all-time?

Let's clear some things up before I start. Recently my brother (of the now defunct Waterslide) has been taking jabs at less than stellar flicks by pretending they are the best things since white bread. For example complimenting the movie Hitch and saying he can't wait for Hitch 2. To clarify this post will not be doing this. True, this will regard a movie easily passed off as bad, and I will make comments about hoping for a sequel, but they are said (rather typed actually) with the utmost sincerity. This movie has a director with possibly the brightest future, a writer with Paul Haggis like pedigree, and a cast that would make Ocean's 11 cream in its pants. This movie is:

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!

As I began to watch this film, I watched it from start to finish, I began to grow tired and sick a lot like Whitman did in "When I heard the Learn'd astronomer." There were a lot of immediate scene changes and emotions that seemingly came from left field. I kept watching though, and I began to think about that fact, about why I couldn't stop watching. I finally realized why about a quarter of the way into it. I was watching the greatest, most true and emotionally honest film ever in the history of cinema.

I think the great Jean Luc-Goddard put it best, "The cinema is truth 24 frames per second." Never better exemplified by Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! The only reason I wasn't feeling ok was because I was watching the most honest film ever. Of course something that is brutally honest is gonna jar a person, like watching a movie about Ebola, of course your gonna feel uneasy. Life is a rollercoaster ride. And your bound to get nauseated during some of the loops. I was watching one of those loops. For example, Pete Monash's (Topher Grace) sudden confrontation with Tad Hamilton (future oscar winner Josh Duhamel) in a bathroom stall isn't stupid it's heart wrenchingly true. Pete's rendition of a Barry White song while cooking juxtaposed with Tad's life of luxury isn't just some montage, it's how life happens. I blame myself for not realizing this earlier in the viewing, but I blame my own ignorance to how life is. It's like watching the first 20 minutes of Grand Illusion and thinking it sucks.

Fast Forward to the end. I don't want to give too much away, but it makes cinematic leap by recreating the film's beginning (which was a film in itself). Flabbergasted, confused? You kind of have to see it for yourself. And you have to be intelligent, I didn't get the reference until my mom pointed it out, she is smarter than me. I have never really understood the concept of multiple diagesis, but it's employed in sure where to begin, so it must be great and I want to understand it now.

This is just one thing I have to research...I have so many questions after watching this movie and I'm not really sure where to begin. Actually that is not true, it'll begin with me buying the DVD for the director commentary. What will happen to Tad? Tad Hamilton is the greatest tragic character since Hamlet. Hamlet who? Exactly. I can't get out of my head a key scene at the end where Rosalee Futch (Kate Bosworth) confesses her (spoiler alert!) love for Pete, and suddenly she gets a lisp. Was that planned? Maybe the director commentary will say. But if you ask me Kate Bosworth must be a very serious method actor like James Dean and Marlon Brando were. Moreover, after seeing this movie I think Kate Bosworth should be mentioned in the same breath as these two greats.

While we are on the subject of the cast, how superb a casting director the movie must've had! Let me stop here a second. I'm sure I could do an adequate job touting this great cast, but to be honest I read the best and most honest review online and I feel I would short change you guys if I didn't post that critique.

Alejandra Vernon, from www.avernon.com:

"All the young actors in the cast are terrific, and helped by the good script, are always believable; there are no lame lapses of dialogue that come off as insincere.
Kate Bosworth (seen recently as Sandra Dee in "Beyond the Sea"), is beautiful and sweet as Rosalee, a cashier at the Piggly Wiggly supermarket, who wins a date with movie star Tad Hamilton; Tad's hilarious management team (Nathan Lane as Richard Levy the Driven, and Sean Hayes as Richard Levy the Shameless), in order to rehabilitate their client's shoddy image invent a "charity date" scheme, never thinking that Tad will actually fall for the girl, which he does, creating a love triangle with Piggly Wiggly's store manager, who is madly but secretly in love with Rosalee.

Topher Grace shines as Pete the supermarket manager, as he tries to compete with the smile and abs of movie hunk Tad (perfectly played by Josh Duhamel). His comedic timing is marvelous, and he has a "lovability factor" that reminds me of John Cusack's Lloyd Dobler in that other romantic gem, "Say Anything".
Also good in the cast is the very funny Ginnifer Goodwin as Rosalee's best friend, and Kathryn Hahn as Angelica the Bartender."

I could not agree more. And her Grace/Cusack comparison is brillant, I must admit I'm not as learn'd to make that sort of connection. Though I would go as far to say that Topher's performance was more like that of one God would give.

My one beef with Ms. Vernon's excellent review is her only passing praise for Kathryn Hahn. Not only is Hahn a shining star in this flick but her breadth of work should be celebrated. She has been in such gems as Anchorman and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Get this, not only did she star in TV's Crossing Jordan, but also wrote an episode. Talk about versatility.

Keeping with the theme of reviews I often find it's better to use reviews pertaining to other movies, as performances will never vary, especially with a talented cast like this.

-In Mouse Hunt ("Dickens meets Wile E. Coyote..."), Nathan Lane got glowing reviews:
Susan Stark of the Detroit News wrote, "The mouse footage is the movie's sole asset. For the rest, the film sabotages the talent of Nathan Lane and Lee Evans..." Yes on first viewing this may sound like a bad review. That's because it is. But look at the wording, "sabotages the talent of Nathan Lane," this implies he has talent. Thus Nathan Lane is a great actor.

-In Blue Crush, Bosworth shined bright:
Jonathan Foreman of the NY Post wrote, "Bosworth, who at first seems like just another pretty girl next door, turns out to be an impressive, endearing actress. You care about what happens to her even though chunks of "Blue Crush" are painfully predictable and the movie embarks on an overabundance of story arcs, leaving too many of them unresolved." There seems to be a theme growing here. These actors have toiled in films, and practically carried them on there backs. Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! is essentially the film that allows the actors to showcase their talents without the worry of having to shoulder the burden of making the film good. Such is a Robert Luketic film.

-And finally in Cat's & Dogs, Sean Hayes is a god!:
Rick Holter of the Dallas Morning News writes, "This clash of the titans is delightful." Now Rick is obviously a little gun shy in handing out is prasies but if you read into that extremely telling line you learn all you need to know. Seeing as Sean Hayes played the cat Mr. Tinkles, the main antagonist in the film, that would mean Mr. Holter believes Sean Hayes is a Titan:

Titan - One of prodigious size, strength, or achievement.

Sean Hayes? Yeah I'd say so.

I have to wrap this up. But I would feel horrible to short change this movie.

If I may bore you with one more quote:

"What is Cinema? We might as well ask "What is life?", for film, like life, is made of moments; moments in time, held aloft for our perusal, imprinted on our soul, and then brought back to us from time to time as a memory -- by an event, a vision, a sound, an emotion. The separation becomes trivial -- cinema is life, and life cinema: around us, beside us, inside us. The cinema, then, is not to be consumed with haste; films are not to be digested simply as they unfold, like some plastic-wraped fast-food. Created by light and celluloid, they live only in our minds and in our hearts, savoured both during and after the fact. Projected onto the screen and into our consciousness, where they are replayed over and over -- continually re-discovered artefacts which are constantly changing us. What, then, can we say is truly real? A memory? An event? A celluloid image? The answer lies in the cinema. All is real. Nothing is impossible." - Glen Norton

It is true that at this moment Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! is replaying in my mind over and over again. And this is not only for the fact that I have watched it 1 and a half times today (which is not nearly enough). I imagine when Mr. Norton was writing this he had just seen Win a Date with Tad Hamilton! Since this is chronologically impossible, he must've been thinking of some vision of a movie that was a lot like Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!

There is so much more I want to say. I want to praise the awesome opening credits reminiscent of Catch Me if You Can and the old Rock Hudson/Doris Day Flicks. Or the superb soundtrack that features the likes of Liz Phair, John Mayer, and Rose McGowan. If you take away one notion, one small idea, I hope it's the fact that the pedigree of this movie is so strong. If I haven't mentioned it before director Robert Luketic is gonna be the next Robert Altman. Way to start a career off with a bang with Legally Blonde! I can't believe people even had to question why Legally Blonde 2 was so off the mark (it was directed by some hack). Now he is slated to direct the adaptation of the TV show Dallas. Bravo 20th Century Fox, for realizing real talent. A little tip though, can the current writer (Steel Magnolias, c'mon!) and get Kathryn Hahn, what a formidable team!

Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!, thanks for making me rethink my whole life and finally allowing my generation to have it's equivalent to 8 1/2. I love film again.

In a future update: The Five people I'm allowed to bang, Lazo loves Taylor Hanson, and more.

Quick Hits
-People think Lindsey Lohan is an anorexic. Where, her ears?
-The Pacifier makes 30.2 million its first week. I account for half of it.

2005-02-08T23:49:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when life's questions get too hard, the world turns to Lazo for a segment called:

Mikey: What do you think about reliving Kings Dominion?

Lazo: Well [Mike], I think it would be fucking great, I wouldn't mind getting my head scalped by rocks again...in other words it's going to be awesome.

Mikey: Aren't you worried about hypothermia?

Lazo: No. I would travel through time to relive that day again. Fuck, I would die just to relive our great moments in Kings Dominion.

Mikey: True enough, but could that be because you always want to kill yourself anyway?

Lazo: In those words...yes.

Mikey: Finally...I have been thinking about Pop music and started applying some Marxist ideas to the genre. Do you ever think about how Karl Marx's idea that Capitalism elimiates any kind of specialization of labor can be applied to teeny bop music. Moreover, that most Pop music sounds so engineered because noone these days bothers to master their craft. For example every Britney Spears song sounds the same because she doesn't care to improve herself and put time and effort into one certain area and would rather try to do everything (dance, act, etc...) to appeal to every person, because she is a massive attention whore?

Lazo: (Silence)...Yup

Mikey: I think this was a good dicussion.

Lazo: Sweet, I'm craving some pupusas guy.

P.S. People have been expressing their displeasure with having to create a blogger account to post a comment on my blog. THIS IS FOLLY. There is the option to post anonymously right under the login screen dudes. C'mon use your eyes!

2005-02-07T16:48:00.000-05:00

Give TWS some straight up respect.

OK, so I wasn't to keen on the score but...

"Instructions: In case of tie, look to MVP. If no right MVP is made, tie goes to score (based on point differential).

Respect. Shout out to Holly for being the only one with the marbles to pick the Eagles, and the kick ass TO pick.

This week's sign of the apocalypse:

-Boogeyman esta numero uno (though look at it's competition).
-Linkin Park headline all-star tsunami aid concert (don't you miss the days of Queen, Bowie, and U2...big up to Jay-Z though).
-MTV still exists (well it does).

~Fin

2005-02-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

Updates

Let it be known that comments are an available option on every post. I am having some dumbass trouble deleting comments, which means two things. One, make sure what you write is correct because you can't make me delete it. And two, you can totally slander my name and call me a bitch because at the moment I can't do shit about it.

Anyway, here's the first installment of...

Chicks I shouldn't find hot, but do.

Hermione from Harry Potter (aka Emma Watson)

Pros
-Job security
-Birthday coincides with tax day (easy to remember)
-She's 15
-Hottest fucking muggle I've ever seen

Cons
-Might have to see Ron Weasly, that squirmy douche.
-She's 15

On a side note: Am I the only person that sees the obvious Buffy the Vampire Slayer ripoff in relation to Hermione's character. It's fucking obvious that Draco Malfoy gets a hard-on whenever she's in the room and has to make fun of her to hide his kibble and bits (calling her a mudblood and shit, thats harsh words). And it's also inherently obvious that Draco is a cheap rip-off of Spike with the bleach blonde slicked back hair and dark arts going for him. And Hermione is like the modern day Buffy, just the regular chick who can kick some serious ass. I bet by the last book, Hermione is gonna be bitching to all her friends that they took her out of heaven, and she'll start screwing Draco on the side to feel better. Then in the climatic scene Draco wears this dipshit amulet that causes him to get shitted on, and Hermione drives a bus out of Hogwart's. While Ron Weasley is crying like a little girl with a skinned knee. I guess Harry Potter would be Willow, which would be some sick ass crap...That I'm sorta into.

Anyway, Emma Watson is hot in a illegal/salem kinda way.

P.S. Thanks for not telling me I spelled "philosophy" wrong in my previous post's banner. Way to make me look stupid to my average 10 readers.

2005-01-22T16:05:00.000-05:00

In a previous post I brought up the idea of trying to recreate events to relive memories. It was somewhat pertinent to that post, but much more to this one.

Basically (if you don't feel like scrolling down), isn't it funny how whenever you try to recreate an event with the same people and locations it never works out. I remember this one time me when I was like 12, me and Lazo had this kick ass time hanging out with chicks at a park. Not to say we got laid or anything we were just in middle school, but we had some fun playing on the playground (as juvenile as that sounds). We had such a good time we tried to do it a couple months later and it totally ate shit. In my history trying to do shit like that never works.

Because writing about me and another boy under the title the "Philosophy of Love," might be misleading, let me get to the point. In love, and life in general, wants and desires are some of the worst things a man can have.

As a quick side note, these thoughts arose from reading Bertrand Russell's "The Value of Philosophy" and from talking with my kick ass teacher Ge Baas. The conclusions are all my own.

I. "All acquistion of knowledge is an enlargement of the Self, but this enlargement is best attained when it is not directly sought." -Bertrand Russell

To me, I'm not sure if there is any greater universal idea such as this one (I hesitate to say truth, as nothing is.) Why is it so great and important. Well think about it, if you sit down and decided you want to do something, you let in all your desires and predjudices into the equation. It is enivitable. But may you happen to stumble upon a piece of knowledge, the only predjudice that can be factored in is in the interpretation, not the acquisition.

How does this tie in? Let us revisit the example in the beginning.

Me and Lazo happened to stumble upon a good time. We didn't go into the park with desires and wants (aside from having fun with each other), but we stumbled upon a hell of a good time. Then the second time, when we wanted to go the park, we let our desires in, and it ate crap. Why? Because we probably tried to damn hard, there was no flow, everything controlled by us, like a lab experiment.

What does this have to do with love?

Everything. How often does your undying desire for a celebrity turn into a relationship or marriage, almost never (probably never). How often do you stumble upon somebody that you become incredibly infatuated with and fall in love, almost always (probably always). In these days desire seems to be synonymous with love. When in all actuality it has only a skewed part to play in it (unless you think of it with connotations of passion and warmth associated with sex). What's the best moment(s) in a relationship. Is it when you get married, is it when your lover tells you she loves you. Hell no. It's the times leading up to it (Ge Baas, told me this, and it's a great insight). It's the small section of the relationship where the anticipation is at it's highest. When you want so bad for her (I'll just stick to this male dominated view) to say she loves you or when you want her to kiss you or fuck you. I shall quote Ge Baas now, "Love is the anticipation." Why do most couples end up having this conversation?

"Do you remember how it used to be before?"
"What do you mean."
"When we both were so hot for each other."
"Yeah."
"I wish we could do that again."

Why do you want to do it again? Because it was the best goddamn part, obviously. Then (especially if your a virgin), you learn sex is ok and you have your first condom scare. Ain't love grand.

II. A couple days ago I was in film class and this chick bent over in front of me and I saw the whole goods. And she was an attractive lady. And I felt nothing. Worse than that, it really didn't weird me out at all. Have I been tied down so long that I have become desensitized to pleasure. Have I become like Malcolm MacDowell in A Clockwork Orange?

"Intimacy is being in someone else." -Ge Baas

Let me first say the above quote is not referring to sex...directly. And I apologize if the subsequent explanation isn't that clear but the Baas man spent a long time explaining it and I just don't have quite the time he did. But basically think about it like this, when are you ever truly intimate with someone? The answer refers to points above and the elimation of narcissism. The only true time you can be intimate with somebody is when you let yourself go and are inside them. "Intimacy is not being the same." (Baas) Actually thinking about it, that quote is pretty self-sufficient. If you don't understand what that means, I feel sorry for you.

The worst part is this intense intimacy really only comes during the aforementioned anticipation. When you are able to completely let yourself go. It's truly awesome. But I doubt in the history of time such intmacy has ever lasted.

III. Coping
How do we as humans deal with these quite depressing facts. I guess there are several things you can do. You could stay single the rest of your life, find many women to experience those really great moments. I don't prescibe this though, the sadness of breakups and other baggage would likely cancel out any happiness felt. Plus such moments can only be found with very special/compatible women and I don't believe too many exist.

For me it's easy, I'll just remember my only time and dedicate my life to making the person who gave me that moment as blissful as possible.

But am I remissed the anticipation of such things cannot happen again, or morevoer, I won't let them happen again? Yes I am.

Does it bother me?

Yes. But if I ever happen to stumble upon the answer to these things, I'll let you guys in on it.

2005-01-21T01:14:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when Mikey runs out of ideas, he reaches into the past for a section called...

From the Vault

10.22.2002

Sanity's Requiem:

Mike: Man, fuck you Bell. You wanna know what the real bullshit is? How about you let me take it on this one cause you're too damn scared to walk out that door and do something for somebody else. You're too damn scared, man! That's the only damn reason.
Ms. Bell: You don't know shit about reason; reasons why some of us live and why some of us don't! Well, fortunately for you, you have decades to figure that out.
Mike: Yeah, and what's the reason in having a file cabinet full of writing and keeping the shit locked so nobody can read it? What is that man? I'm through with this shit.

It should be a pretty good week, with a wonderful end. (Minus all this sniper stuff...)

Originally Posted by Mike Chin at 9:22 PM

2005-01-13T10:46:00.000-05:00

My Hundred and Eleventh Birthday

Today is my 20th birthday. But alas 20 years are far too short to live among such excellent and admiral bloggers. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

I've thought of an ending for my book - "And he lived happily ever after... to the end of his days."

2005-01-12T01:05:00.000-05:00

Douchebags, ripoffs, etc.

I was checking out the website for the new Ridley Scott movie, Gladiator...er...Kingdom of Heaven. Several observations arose.

What's up with these big budget medieval/ancient themed flicks that come out. Like King Arthur, Troy, that piece of shit movie where Rosario Dawson gets down, yada yada yada. They have no plot and they just follow the same pattern. Two waring nations, they fight, fuck, and Orlando Bloom says something. It's pretty gay.

Actually Orlando Bloom is pretty gay. And he's not even donning elf ears anymore. He was pussy exactor in Troy. And he kinda played a douche in Pirates of Caribbean. He could've boned Keira Knightley pretty easily anytime he wanted in that flick but didn't (that we see). And lastly in Black Hawk Down he pretty much ate shit.

Back to the topic, let's do a little comparison.

Before I finish this I just want to say that the "All I want for X-mas" post was a huge success. Thanks for all the gifts. Though Jared Leto (who was in Troy) still remains...

Misc...

See the orc transport thingies...Enter the site and bear with the bullshit opening.

Gorilla Mask finally does right by me.

Go to NYHotties to see the Chloe Sevigny blowjob. To me it doesn't really live up to all the hype, but it's still a major movie star sucking dick.

Email me please.

2004-12-19T01:02:00.000-05:00

Requiem for a Huddy and Muldie

I'm not sure exactly what I want to say in this post. The loss is still to near and dear to my heart. A part of me realizes and always has that Oakland is a small market team. And even the Big Three knew they wouldn't be together forever. I was gonna be fine with losing Huddy, as crazy as that sounds. I still wished it was Zito in that deal but it was ok. I had to take my huddy shirt out of the closet, but it was ok...But then Mulder, what the shit is that?

I think my melancholy can be best expressed by a quote from former A's coach Art Howe: "Fifty years from now, people are going to be telling their grandkids, 'I was there when those three guys were teammates, and now they're all in the Hall of Fame."

It's so true. I just wish the tenure of teamateship (if such a word exists) lasted a little longer.

The future looks bright, but I can't think of one fan who can say that with 100 percent elation. Every fan wants to be good now, and it's a hard pill to swallow when the GM says, "building for the future." I love Billy Beane, I think he is a smooth operator. But I'm starting to envy the Yanks and Sox as hard as it is to admit. But I think the envy lies more in their respective checkbooks.

Have you ever had a really good day? And you tried to repeat that day by bringing back the same people and doing the same things. But it isn't quite the same as the first for some reason.

Yeah, it's kinda like that.

I just hope Dan Meyer and Danny Haren can be half as good as Huddy and Mulder. Though from what I seen and the stats I read, I think there is a chance for restored glory.

I bet you Jason Kendall is wondering what the shit he came to.

-Mikey/sad fan/hopeful fan/possible perpetual idiot

EWWWWWW
Yuck.

P.S. At least Dan Meyer was a James Madison Duke. He must be a winner. (I am not being sarcastic)

2004-11-29T14:41:00.000-05:00

All Mikey Wants for Christmas (2004 Edition)

Two posts in November. Pretty stingy. And even though I've been short in giving I'm gonna post my Christmas wish list?

Pretty presumptuous eh?

Hell Ya!

For your convenience I've categorized the items by price and provided links to the items to cut out any confusion.

The Cheapies (99 cents to 15 bucks)

CDs: Elliot Smith - From a Basement on the Hill
Barry Manilow - Ultimate Manilow
The Postal Service - Give Up
Weather Report - Best of Weather Report

Edge and Christian Gear: Medium T-Shirt
Jersey (Large is the smallest available, let's hope a medium comes out soon)

Other: Some gloves (not leather, something to throw snowballs with)

Movin on up' (15 bucks to 30 big ones)

Cds: The Clash - London Calling (Legacy Edition)

Dvds: The Shawshank Redemption (Two Disc Special Edition)
Da Ali G Show - Season One
Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 3
The Iron Giant: Special Edition
Dawn of the Dead: Unrated Director's Cut
Hell Boy: Director's Cut

Movie Posters: Spiderman 2 (Sacrifice)
Sin City

Da Pricey Shit

Michael Clayton Buccaneers Jersey (It might be better to wait til he has a replica of his own though)

The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age (GC)

The Ultimate Gift of All

Erase JARED LETO

These are all great gifts and I suggest all my friends and family members exchange email and phone numbers (to allow for no duplicate gifts). And for people who don't know me, I promise these gifts are sure-fire hits for your kin this holiday season.

P.S. You can add the Alias DVDs. But after last year's debacle I will not hold my breath.

P.S.S. Dinero is acceptable.

2004-11-05T17:06:00.000-05:00

Tara Reid Boob Slip: or how I learned to stop worrying and hate ugly nipples

Warning: extremely disgusting picture of someone you probably thought was hot.

I was really looking forward to finding this red carpet nipple slip, but eww. I hate freshly cut up nipples.

2004-10-23T20:24:00.000-04:00

This is my letter to the world, That never wrote to me

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hangin on the block for dough
Notorious, they got to know that
Life ain't always what it seem to be
Words can't express what you mean to me

I guess what I am trying to say is, I know I haven't posted shit in a while. I am in the midst of a hell month like no other. Juxtaposed with sports letdowns, personal problems, lack of pho, and more sports letdowns, I have not had time to write.

And it's fucking obvious that I don't have any new ideas.

But from what I have gleaned from writing a gazillion essays this school year is that I can BS like no other.

Updates

I might just be a fucking lonely person, but is Scarlett Johansson getting hotter? If you've read at least one post on this site, you know my hard on for her is bigger than Donald Trump's ego, but it's getting insane. But the latest pictures tell me, it's not my fault. They are so nice, I made a quick makeshift wallpaper out of my favorite three.

Note: I realize on that picture, it says I am listening to Bette Midler. Honestly, you can go fuck yourself, because "Wind Beneath Your Wings" kicks ass. What you don't know is that Ashlee Simpson is cued up next...

Gorilla Mask. His latest post on the Red Sox further solidifies the fact that he is pretty much an idiot. Especially the part about Todd Walker. Who I like to call baseball team poison. But I stick to my opinion that Ryan Perry is an important cog in blogging for his babe galleries. Proof of which is in his posting of Brooke Burke nude pictures new and old.

Lost still kicks ass.

On a serious note, a friend of mine's father, John Rossi, just passed away. He was a great man, and baseball in Arlington owes a lot to him. He was never without some kind of suggestion to better your game and always willing to listen and help out. I will sorely miss him, and the world is just not as great without him.

While it may say I glow. I really don't. Not now anyway.

Links:

A New York Escorts Confessions - A good site. Think Sex and the City meets webblogging.
Screenhead - Recommended by Ragnar. Pretty awesome.

She Glows
Come on, Come on
I see no changes wake up in the morning and I ask myself
is life worth living should I blast myself?
I'm tired of bein' poor & even worse I'm black
my stomach hurts so I'm lookin' for a purse to snatch
Cops give a damn about a negro
pull the trigger kill a nigga he's a hero
Give the crack to the kids who the hell cares
one less hungry mouth on the welfare
First ship 'em dope & let 'em deal the brothers
give 'em guns step back watch 'em kill each other
It's time to fight back that's what Huey said
2 shots in the dark now Huey's dead
I got love for my brother but we can never go nowhere
unless we share with each other
We gotta start makin' changes
learn to see me as a brother instead of 2 distant strangers
and that's how it's supposed to be
How can the Devil take a brother if he's close to me?
I'd love to go back to when we played as kids
but things changed, and that's the way it is
-Tupac, Changes
(2Pac: Greatest Hits)

2004-09-28T18:42:00.000-04:00

News update

Paris Hilton has a new sex tape! And it's getting rave reviews!

"Highstepping...naughty." - NY Post

"You would think that after supposedly being embarrassed by the leak of a sex tape showing you banging your ex boyfriend and sucking him off and having him cum all over your lovely breasts, that you wouldn't keep filming yourself having sex, or would you?" -SteakandCheese.com

Among the footage (sources say lasts 12 hours), is Paris Hilton rolling a joint and saying, "Paris Hilton, part two: How to roll a joint!" and a scene where Paris answers the door wearing only a Biore strip.

The Warning Sign is on top of this and is looking out for the new Paris Hilton tape. Over here we don't hesitate stealing credit from other people.

-Another complete article

2004-09-28T15:10:00.000-04:00

Who are you?

I'm pleased to announce a new segment coming to The Warning Sign. I don't really have a title for it yet, but the boys are kicking a few ideas around the office.

I've found that a blog is kind of egotistical, I mean it's all my opinins here, and save the rare viewer mail I have the only voice. And that's sometimes harmful when your a dude like Ryan Perry from Gorilla Mask. I mean I love the guy. But it's only for the hot celebrity pictures. His freaking opinions are weak as hell and his general posts blow cock (there are few exceptions). His list of his favorite movies is laughable, I mean he liked Napoleon Dynamite, that pretty much seperates him into the dumbass category of America. So while my opinions I find are much more solid, and critiques and lists are much more studious, I still feel I need something else. And well Gorilla Mask has cornered the market on hot nudes.

So what I'm proposing is that people can email me a picture of yourself, and a short bio (150 max words, if I know you then don't worry about writing anything). What I'll do is post the picture of you (I reserve the right not to post somebody if I feel), and write a story/bio/description of who you are and my feelings about this person.

I'm gonna say this once, I retain the right to mock you if I feel so inclined. I doubt it will be that bad, especially if your email is cool and doting. O and I guess I should say if you're a hot chick and you send a scantily clad picture, you're writeup is gonna be as glowing as a Ryan Perry review of From Justin to Kelly.

Peace out, and email me my children.

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
-Bilbo Baggins

LOST air tomorrows! Dig it.

2004-09-27T15:34:00.000-04:00

Proof for the existence of god

Jay Leno will retire in 2009

"He watches Leno. That explains everything."
- Seth Cohen

Ok ok, I know it's not exactly happening right now, but God is busy man. He's making miracles happen every day. He gave Tony Danza his own talk show and greenlit flicks like AVP and Daredevil 2. So give him a break, he's going to leave, and thats all that freaking matters right now.

Letterman(if he is still alive during 2009) and Conan is gonna be one hell of a potent 11:35 combo. But I am a Letterman loyalist, always and forever.

2009 should be one kick ass year. Jay Leno will be leaving the airwaves, The Hobbit should be opening up, along with the 5th X-men movie, and the long awaited third sequel to Baby Geniuses!

God Lives. Proof is all among us.

TV Show of Note

LOST baby! The first episode was pretty kick ass. It introduced (redundancy alert!) ultra-fox, Matthew Fox. And the super hot Evangeline Lilly. They are destined to bang, and I am destined to be turned on by it.

But hindering their banging is come creature that appears to be some kind of dinosaur romaing the island. But a dinosaur? That's kinda cliche in this Spielberg world. So, I'm expecting JJ Abrams to throw a curveball. If i was a betting man, the island will turn out to be owned by the Red Cross and they are using it to stow all the "misplaced" 9/11 relief funds. They hired Hagrid to bring that 3 headed dog to the island to guard the money. It's been getting lax there so Hagrid's been using the radio to have phone sex with Hermione.

Since this show is actually pretty good, it will last about 3 years tops, cause this whole world is full of dumb assholes. So my guess is it will end with Merry drinking some Ent water and becoming such an animal that he creates a raft out of palm trees and the side of a port-a-potty that washed ashore. They all get on, except for the fat dude (who has already eaten himself to death), a whale follows them all the way until they are picked up by a cruise liner. Matthew Fox gets home to find that his wife Helen Hunt is banging Mr. Big. He finds out that the Titans lost to Jacksonville and leaves, not before professing his love to Helen Hunt and her huge tittiss outside their house in the rain. He decides to quit his job for a while and return the package, that was his beacon of hope when things were dark, and that he kept closed all during his stay on the island. He drives to the house and finds that it's actually Evangeline Lilly's house, and that it was her package. But it's too late for their love to bloom because Merry is their boning her with a huge maple sized dick caused by the Ent water. Matthew Fox spends the rest of his life wandering the world with the dude from millenium.

One kick ass show baby (actual grade, I mean serious: B+).

It would be a straight B, but she's hot:

Close your eyes, make a wish
And blow out the candlelight
For tonight is just your night
We're gonna celebrate, all thru the night
Pour the wine, light the fire
Girl your wish is my command
I submit to your demands
I'll do anything, girl you need only ask

I'll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
Till you tell me to

Girl relax, let's go slow
I ain't got nowhere to go
I'm just gonna concentrate on you
Girl are you ready, it's gonna be a long night
Throw your clothes on the floor
I'm gonna take my clothes off too
I made plans to be with you
Girl whatever you ask me you know I'll do

I'll make love to you
Like you want me to
And I'll hold you tight
Baby all through the night
I'll make love to you
When you want me to
And I will not let go
Till you tell me to

Baby tonight is your night
And I will do you right
Just make a wish on your night
Anything that you ask
I will give you the love of your life

-"I'll Make Love to you"
Boyz 2 Men

2004-09-25T01:39:00.000-04:00

Loose Ends

I have a lot to say, but I'm not quite sure how to say it and fit it all into something you want to read.

I don't even know why I thought a journal of my life would be something people would want to read. A fucking journal of my life, that's like making a G-rated version of Bill Clinton's book. Boring as shit. For example. It's a friday nite, right? I'm in college, I should be out there partying and shit. I mean take a look at all my friends away messages:

- "partyin it up"
- "night out on the town? well dont mind if i do."
- "out w/ Jessica and lisa........yeay"
- "out with shizzane and hizzyholly"
- "I am away from my computer right now."

Sounds like some wild stuff. What did I do tonite? Stayed in the dorm, and watched Kill Bill Vol. 2 with the guys and made out with Uma Thurman in my head.

I'm a square and I know it. But you know I happen to be in a great relationship and prefer a good movie to keggers and beer pong. Although I do feel like I've missed out on seeing lot of naked drunk chicks that boys really shouldn't be deprived of. Anyway, I'm trying not to sound bitter. Even though my girlfriend is out with her friends partying and I'm staying at home fondling The Bride in my noggin (and subsequently writing a blog post).

There was this kid, sitting next to me in English today. A real dumb asshole. He kept fucking putting his elbow on my desk and grabbing his crotch and shit. I found myself fighting back blowing chunks. To make it worse he smelled of hair gel and grape juice. But what topped it off wasn't something he did in class. It was knowing that tonite and probably the rest of the weekend, he would get some top-shelf pussy each nite, and be happy. You wonder, "where the hell is the justice in that?" And you only comfort yourself in knowing your smarter than him, when you secretly wish to do what and who he does.

I guess then that I am the anti-college student. The one with so-so grades, not because of getting shit-faced nightly or tapping ass, but just being lazy.

*Sigh* It's funny to watch Vh1 nowadays and watch the fabulous life of the stars. I am particulary interested in when they start talking about wild parties.

I was actually watching it a couple a days ago, when my roomate had it on. And they started talking about Scarlett Johansson. I thought it was weird because I never thought of her as a big party gal (even though she is 19, has a lot of money, and has access to the best bashes in the world). Nevertheless, they talked about how she alledgedly made out and possibly had sex with Benecio Del Toro in an elevator after the Golden Globes. This news totally floored me, and my heart sank immediately, but I didn't want to show my sadness. For one reason I'd look like a pussy in front of my roomate, and the other because I was kinda caught off guard. I guess I had always had this Horse Whisperer/Lost in Translation, much more tame vision of her. And while to most people her supposed wildness may turn them on, it turned me off. It was like meeting somebody and feeling like they will be a friend for life and it never panning out. I mean I still am infatuated with her, but somehow this revelation (if it be true) definitely has cooled the flame somewhat. Which I find funny, because my attraction is purely sexual seeing as I never met her. Something like this should just serve to arouse.

Good news is it actually gave me an idea for a column. I'm thinking about writing an email to my favorite magazine EW and pitching it to them. I doubt they will even read it, but I'll bank on the chance in hell. I'll post the email sometime later.

Well it's 1 AM and my girlfriend is still not back. I could call her, but it would just ruin her fun, and probably just make me more jealous.

As for me, it's hopeless. Sometimes I wish I had a female friend. Someone to break the homosexual tension. It would be cool, at least I think. But most of the people are here are hot, so, they would never set foot on Hoffman first floor.

For now I'll just bask in my first piece of fan mail (from someone I don't know):

Your blogger is awesome. Lost In Translation...so many people found it boring, however, I thought it was genious.

That's my say for now.

-James

Rock on James.

2004-09-12T23:45:00.000-04:00

I wish that I knew what I know now...When I was younger

You see her. You see how beautiful she looks. You know why she is looking at me like that, and walking away. It's because she knows I have no fucking chance in hell. Not just with her, to ever be at her status.

I wish my parents would have told me I would amount to nothing. I wish I didn't have such great dreams. Dreams are best left under the covers.

I wish someone would've told me that. I probably would've been sad for a while, but the dissapointment I feel now is worse.

I wish I could realize how lucky I am. I wish I could be content with what I have. I should be.

I hope one day my blog would have a mass following.

I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

I wish I was a little more original.

2004-09-11T19:26:00.000-04:00

My Life (Not the Michael Keaton movie that makes me sob like a bitch)

It's like this. Say your 21. And you decided since your of age you should go out drinking. You are a little nervous at first because this is the first time you have ever been in a bar. But it actually goes real well. The bartender is a real nice person and even though your friends leave, you end up talking to the barkeep for hours. You make it a regular thing, and you are happy because you were nervous at first and a lot of your friends wanted to take you out before, but you never wanted too.

For more than two years you go to that bar. It's like cheers and everyone knows your name, except Sam Malone isn't there, and the garson definitely isn't married to Danny DeVito.

Then over time you notice the bartender in which you liked so much doesn't come in everyday. They got this person working part-time. Slowly and slowly, the drink maker doesn't talk to you as much, and if you do talk, it's always mean and hurtful. Your favorite drink isn't already made by the time you sit down anymore. What is your favorite drink, noone knows anymore. They start closing the bar early, so the workers can go hang out, and it fucks up your whole time schedule. And by know you are miserable, scrambling around to find new bars. But nothing is ever quite the same as that bar you once knew and the people inside it. You walk into another bar one day, some gimmick irish joint, that is owned by Arabs. There is the bartender, who doesn't even remember your name.

That nite you sit in your bed wondering what you did wrong. You playback conversations in your head, trying to think of something that you might've done. But there is nothing. You want to call up your friends but they are at the Irish bar most likely dancing, drinking, and having a good time.

And by this time you're tired now, wondering what you are gonna do next. You leave a message on one of your friends machines, leaving some vague hint that you like them. Then when you playback the message in your head, you realize the hint never really manifested.

That night you dream that your old bar is being demolished and your sitting on a bench watching it happen. The frosted mugs, the old jukebox, the pictures on the wall reduce to rubble. You try to pinch yourself, but you never wake up, because you never were asleep.

2004-09-10T23:57:00.000-04:00

How Troy Could've Kicked Arse

I caught the homer-otic epic "Troy" today at the famed Grafton Stoval Theatre. And the winds must've really picked up because that movie blew...hard. I can't quite put my finger on why actually, but it could be because:

a) Legolas is a major pussy
b) Gratuitous Brad Pitt ass shots
c) Showing Diane Kruger's ass, but refusing to show the funbags.
d) The Wicker Park chicks are in it.
e) Somehow finding a way to make the great Peter O'Toole the father of such a pussy.

The movies one saving grace:

a) Sean Bean owns.

"You're dead. You just don't know it"

I feel like when Wolfgang was editing this 3 hour crapfest, he realized he needed more Bean. So he was like, let's have this muther fuckin' animal own everyone on screen, and narrate the picture. And for that I respect the director. But I don't respect the homo side of him that in a post-threesome shot, shows more of Brad then the other two ladies.

Then there is the fucking fight choreographer. I swear to God the first time I saw Pitt (Achilles) do his jump stab, I thought it was kick ass. But when he proceeded to do it to The Hulk like 10 times it started to fucking piss me off.

But I digress. How would I make this picture better? Have every actor reprise roles from a movie in which they were fucking animals.

Let's start with the obvious, Brad Pitt. Make him Tyler Durden and have him bang the shit out of Rose Byrne like she was Helena Bonham Carter.

His main enemy, Eric Bana is the Hulk (Yes, I debated Chopper). When him and Tyler have their final battle, Bana asks Orlando Bloom to kick him in the nuts so he'll get green. Needless to say Bana wins this time (or does he?).

The nut kicker is now Legolas (not Will Turner, he was a quasi-pussy for a while in that movie). He basically realizes he could fucking pin point Tyler's achilles anytime he wants, but decides his fucking prude cousin needs to get laid so he waits awhile. Plus that'll give him more time to make some elf love with Diane Kruger.

Kruger's ex, Menelaus (Brendan Gleeson) is back to being the kick ass sheriff in Lake Placid. Since that fuck Oliver Platt isn't there to be a dumbass, the sheriff hunts the Hulk as he is green and looks kind of like an alligator.

The sheriff's brother, Brian Cox, who is kind of an animal already is now William Stryker from X-2. He's working on grafting admantium steel into Tyler Durden's body, which proves hard because techinically Tyler is imaginary.

Instead of crying like a little btich, The Hulk's wife, Saffron Burrows reprises her Oscar snubbed role from Deep Blue Sea. And when the Hulk's asleep she injects brain enhancements into her husband to combat the steel boned imaginary Tyler.

The whole Trojan horse shit would get cut out, unless maybe Trojan condoms wanted a cheap plug. Instead the movie would finish with the epic battle between a super-smart green killing machine vs. a nicely tanned 30 year old with steel claws, who may or may not live on this plane. It would last about 25 minutes. During which there would be scenes of Kruger and Burrows consoling becoming heavy petting and Legolas boning both of them with his immortal penis. The fight would conclude with the sheriff trying to shoot the Hulk, but the Hulk uses his super smarts to calcualte bullet time and dodges it. He eats him. While Bana is chowing down wondering where Nick Nolte is, Brad Pitt does his jump stab, but before he can make it, Sean Bean comes in picks up the dead sheriff's gun and shoots Tyler in the head. Since he is made of steel, Bean kicks his head in a couple times. The Hulk is already dead now too, because unbeknownst to him, Bean had poisoned the sheriff already, and he was inbibing the poison too. Bean storms the castle and finds Legolas and cut's his head off. Realizing he mistakened Elf immortality with Highlander immortality he kicks his head into the sand Vanderjagt style. He impregnates Kruger and Burrows with his super semen, creating a Greek master race, then replaces Troy with High rises and strip joints.

And fade to credits.

2004-09-03T01:27:00.000-04:00

Mikey's beef with Posers

To better understand the meaning of this post, let me define Poser.

According to The Warning Signs Dictionary: Poser (Po-ser) - Some no talent ass clown who by the way of some dealings with the devil or dumb luck has become famous. This person exploits his luck by dating people he/she has no business dating, going to places he/she has no buisness going, and doing various other stuff. Usually a direct result of some paperwork snafu in heaven.

Some posers of years past: David E. Kelley, Bruno Campos, Ashton Kutcher.

But these guys are all trumped by that mother fucker, Fez, from that 70's show (an apparent breeding ground for posers). Who is this guy? And how has he banged Mandy Moore and Lindsey Lohan. The guys name is Wilmer, and I confirmed this with some people I know, and that is the least hot name ever. And people are still naming their kids Todd last time I checked. He is the King Poser, to the xanga degree.

At least that's what I thought until I saw this shit.

First off, before all you Doom 3 nerds call me out and shit, I know this could all be farce, and the tabloids at its best. But right now, I'm gonna treat it like the gospel.

Alright, I'm not gonna lie to you I've kind of admired this guy for a while. Not really for his movie roles. He is forgettable in Fight Club. Paul Gross could've played that role with some bleached hair. I respect him for Switchback, but Danny Glover basically owned that guy. Plus, he was freaked out to be in a car that had naked pictures of chicks for upholstery. I honestly thought he was gay after that. This guy also has the Wilmer rap sheet. Leto has banged Angelina Jolie and Cameron Diaz. Two actresses whose talent do laps around Leto, but evidently had enough pity to bang him a couple times.

But with even him banging those lovely ladies, I still ain't mad at him. Unlike Wilmer he has at least been in movies. Ya, the guy isn't Tom Cruise, but at least some justification for him being cast in good movies seem evident (David Fincher apparently has a hard on for him).

But the shit with Scarjo, ain't cool. I mean, she's 19, he's 32, she's hot, he's a hippie, she's gonna win an Oscar someday, he might know a guy named Oscar someday.

In telling a friend about this post, they posed this question to me, "If they made a sextape, would you be happy they got together, so you could see Scarjo get down, or would be pissed that she is being taken from you by a fucking poser?"

It may seem like a crude question, but it's not as simple as an answer as you may think. Let's break down the Pro's and Con's:

Pro's:
- Seeing Scarlett Johansson Naked, and without the help of pushup bras, how big her tits actually are(3)
- Seeing, listening, to Scarjo getting down(11)

Con's:
- Seeing Leto's white ass(-4)
- Seeing your dream woman banged (-12)

The numbers in parentheses are a sort of a Cartesian integrity point formed from the impact they cause (I figured such a complex question deserved a scientific touch). And from what we see, it's clear the Cons out weight the Good 16-14. So no, I wouldn't ever want a tape to come out. But if it did, I'd have a shortcut on my desktop, with the video and sound amplified by my main man Leandro.

Extra Note: Concordantly, Wilmer is even more of a puss, for not having a Lindsey Lohan sex tape out. Because a) Lohan is not my dream woman, b) Rick Solomon will remain owning him for the rest of his life.

Conclusion: In all honestly, Leto's work isn't too bad. Fuck, actually I'd consider it good (no better than that though). Jared, seriously man to man, let's say you grew up idolozing Kate Capshaw, and you have had fantasies of her til this day. And then one day you heard some lonely webblogger banged her in the magazines. I think you would finally see where I'm coming from.

I mean, we both have to fucking deal with this Trent Ford dude.

I'm just kidding, I read his IMDB credits, I don't think we will ever have to worry about this mini-poser.

2004-08-24T16:45:00.000-04:00

My Side

Another year of college. To me that means less sleep, more work, and the same crap. It also means more posts (maybe twice a month!). Im taking four 300 level courses this semster, one of them not even being in my major. Either I'll learn a lot or i'm gonna waste away. Here's a shot of my side of the room. Not pictured is a strange roomate, the white on his walls, a bathroom I don't have to share with 20 other drunkards, "White Shadow", and the greatest artist...i've ever met.

Pretty bland eh?

Oh, we're sinking like stones
All the we fall for
All those places we've grown
All of us are done for

We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world,
Oh, we're sinking like stones
All the we fall for
Homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for

We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world.

Oh, all that I know,
There's nothing here to run from,
And there, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

-"Don't Panic", Coldplay

2004-08-04T22:30:00.000-04:00

Rumors I want to be true

With Spiderman 3 at least 3 years away, I read on some site (which evidently thinks Spiderman 2 the video game is basically gonna be the basis for Spiderman 3 the movie) that the Black Cat may be played by Eliza Dushku. And even though I know this not to be true, and that I am sure that she hasn't even been approached, and that the Black Cat probably won't even be in the third one, my penis immediately went "huh?"

Seriously how hot is that.

You here that sound, thats the collective noise of every man breathing a decibel or two higher than normal.

2004-07-25T02:31:00.000-04:00

Lazo: It completely sucks in my part. Except splooging on a computer generated photo of Kirsten Dunst.

Rebuttal

Mikey: What about that time you splooged on that cereal box with Summer Sanders on it.

Cross Examination

Lazo: True

2004-05-26T16:56:00.000-04:00

World Series of Poker Predictions

Well I already know that Farha and Moneymaker are gone, but I wasn't gonna pick them anyway.

But here are a couple of guys I have making it to the final table (Barring they play):

1. Paul Phillips (my champion)
2. Howard Lederer
3. Mel Judah
4. Dutch Boyd (sentimental pick)
5. Layne Flack
6. TJ Cloutier (halfway through, he has a heart attack).
7. Scotty Nguyen

Well the last day is friday, and soon we will know the champion. And fuck you if Phil Ivey is your pick, way to be like everyone else.

VS.

2004-05-25T15:41:00.000-04:00

Titties

Now that I am home, don't expect posts to come around very often. First off all it's very hard to write anything when your tired of being miserable and hot. Secondly...nah, that about covers it.

I have a couple posts saved on my computer so don't worry about a lack of quality on my part. But for right now, I don't feel like copying one of those on.

I'll settle for just posting a much talked about Lindsey Lohan nipple slip.

2004-05-03T02:46:00.000-04:00

I want a Tattoo (or t.A.T.u..)

But I think it's gonna hurt like a son of a gun. Getting a tattoo that is. Getting t.A.T.u would hurt only in the sense that after I prematurely ejaculated at the sheer thought of two women, I would have to sit out and just watch them go at it.

Wait, that definitely would not hurt.

It's weird though, my threshold for pain is unlike anyone elses. I can take a gash to the leg pretty well, hell, I'll play through it. I onced played baseball with such big of a cut that my blood was like breadcrumbs. But it comes to sissy shit that doesn't even hurt that much I become like a little girl with one of those big lollipops. I cower in the corner like my cat when he hears a plastic bag rustle.

I've always wanted one, ever since I read the short story in the Wayside School is Falling Down series, about the get that gets a tattoo of a potato on his arm. Getting a picture of a rooted vegetable on your arm takes serious cahones man, I respect that kid.

But what should I get. There is a lot of stupid shit out there that people get that I definitely don't want. I was thinking of getting a picture of a turnip, but I felt that was too derivative. I do know what not to get:

-An asian character. Especially if you're not asian. I'm half, but even I feel that I don't have the right to have one. And don't come up to me and tell me what it means, because I'll just hedge my bets and say "courage." When it should say no talent, unoriginal ass-clown. (although angelina, seems to be an exception to the rule)
-Pirates
-You're significant other's name. We all know that never works out well. Unless your girlfriend/boyfriend's name can be turned into something cool or funny. I call this the Johnny Depp rule. So if you're really into tattoos and you want someone that appeases this rule I suggest looking for a beatrice (and change it to "eat rice"), Jodie (and change it to "odie"), or Scarlett (and change it to "Carl", it would make a cool party story).
-Above round vegetables.
-A message about how much you love your mama. It's kind of pyscho/sadism here when you show you're love to your mama by having it branded into your arm. "I love you mom, so I decided to let someone cut me to show you!"
-The name of an Oakland Atheltics superstar (they'll be gone in two years, for sure).
-My name, you'll reget for sure.

And one you should get:
-http://thewarningsign.blogspot.com .

Trust me, it's original, and everyone will go there, and you'll be cool. Because you can say you discovered the best kept secret on the web. If not thing else, you can actually change the url in to "he w in s pot".

2004-04-29T02:16:00.000-04:00

Grievance

What the fuck is Xanga, and who or what the fuck does Xanga think he/she/it is?

When I'm really bored. And I mean really fucking bored, I will sometimes resort to reading other people's away messages and buddy profiles. I really should stop because they are all the fucking same. Little Julie think she's smart because she is quoting F. Scott Fitzgerald, when she really has no clue who he is, but she thinks he makes fur coats. Or little sammy quotes a P.O.D. lyric because when he first heard it it inspired him. He will later go on to kill himself, or at least I hope. But then there is the ever clever Jackie who thinks people want to hear about last nites Rave/party/butt-fuck-athon. And she will insert some extremely stupid tid-bit from the party like this:
"Betty: I heard music over there.
Esteban: I ate a whistle, and I just farted.
LMAO"

I can't fucking stand that shit. Not only do I not care about your side joke, but its not funny, and my ass is still on my body.

I know what you're gonna say, "it's my profile, I can do whatever I want, you don't have to read if you don't want to." Well the point of a profile is for others to read, and be nice and don't subject them to stupid shit like how tammy thinks she has lice and won't go to the hairdresser anymore. Stupid crap like that is reserved for the stupid people it happened too.

O ya, xanga. What is this shit? On one scanning of people's profiles I found three different websites using the Xanga domain. And all of them are a very petty rip-off of Live journal. Hell, I could've made Xanga. All I would have to do is tweak the Live journal html code and bam I made Xanga. Xanga... What kind of name is that. It sounds like a scrapped Stan Lee character. The gay second cousin of Gambit, who's special power is very bad imitations and attacks of lame color schemes. Seriously, as a faithful blogger man, I am really upset by this Xanga shit. I even hate typing it. If Xanga was a reality TV show it would be Paradise Hotel, a cheap rip-off of every other show that came before with much uglier people (seriously, that is the ugliest man I have ever seen). To any body who reads this, if you're gonna blog, don't half ass it, and don't use Xanga. And please don't think your the first person to ever blog, because your not special, i'm not.

Tips for webbloggers:
-Embedding music in your page blows.
-Just because you like shitty music, doesn't mean we do.
-At least give us an option of turning it off.
-Pictures? Please?
-Fuck Xanga
-No more than 2 animated pictures.
-Don't talk to me like you know me.
-Bow to me.

2004-04-26T20:05:00.000-04:00

Post without expectations

I will admit it's gonna be tough to follow the previous post, that critics are calling, "laugh-out loud funny"; "pleasingly irreverant"; and "Who is Karim Garcia?"

So I won't even try.

(I love the question mark on Garcia's face)

2004-04-22T21:06:00.000-04:00

The MTV Movie Awards, my sweet bitch

Why I will watch.

Breakthrough Female
Lindsay Lohan, ''Freaky Friday''
Scarlett Johansson, ''Lost in Translation''
Keira Knightley, ''Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl''
Jessica Biel, ''The Texas Chainsaw Massacre''
Evan Rachel Wood, ''Thirteen''

Yes, a part of me wants her to win. Never in my life has the Academy pissed me off more than it did when it didn't nominate Scarlett Johannson (for Girl w/ a Pearl Earring or Lost in Translation). And yes, part of me hopes she doesn't win and she doesn't even show up. The MTV awards (video music or movies), are the most ludicrous and ridiculous awards out there. I can remember the final straw, when my heart finally gave up on them, when Justin Timberlake beat Johnny Cash. People told me, "It's for the video man, c'mon." To which I replied by banging my head against the wall, in a vain attempt to erase their ignorance from their mind. Ya, Scarlett shouldn't go, she won't win, and probably will most likely have to sit through the next big one hit wonders (think any band that thinks they are the Strokes or are anything different from any band out there i'm looking at you LostProphets, POD, Hoobastank, Story of the Year, Simple Plan, Ataris, American Hi-Fi, Sev, Dashboard Confessional, Thursday, Sum 41, Jimmy Eat World, Default, Unwritten Law, Evanescence (o wait, the word band consitutes the fact they have to play music), Saliva, Trapt, Papa Roach, Bowling for Soup, TRUSTcompany, Smile Empty Soul, Lifehouse, anything Alex Band is associated with, Incubus, Seether, Cold, All-American Rejects, Switchfoot, and most of the HFStival Line up).

Butt.

This is the MTV Movie awards. It can be pretty fuckin' funny sometimes. When it comes to the bit where they stick a comedian in a real movie scene, it's pretty hit (Jack Black in the Council of Elrond) and miss (Lisa Kudrow in the Council of Yoda?). I'm not sure who's hosting but as long as it isn't Jimmy "no talent ass clown" Fallon, it should be funny. MTV does sometimes do good things. You know, despite all of MTV's problems, which I might unfairly blame them for, it is a company, and they have to appease an audience. It's really not their fault that their audience consists of stupid, brainwashed 11-21 year olds that think "The Who" is a superhero. I really should blame those fucking kids for having to flip through a rap video everytime my remote finger wanders. But I digress. Scarlett should go to the MTV movie Awards. No, not to win. Not to gain redemption for being snubbed at the Oscars (well, if you're looking for redemption at the MTV Movie Awards, thats pretty sad). She should go, to be hot. The picture to the left attests to it. When people go to the MTV movie awards they either dress scandalous or casual. It's usually about 50/50 when it comes to this thing (men are usually always casual, but the percentage is offset by wacky shit like, well the picture on the left). And you know what? I like them odds.

Other Stuff:
Full nomination list
OC gets Renewed
Jose Canseco is my favorite player, seriously. Yet they continue to mock him.

2004-04-13T21:11:00.000-04:00

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
--Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to
Abelard"

Mike: What are you doing, this blog was supposed to be different, no more movie reviews, no one gives a shit about your opinions. All you ever do is push your politics and taste on other people and expect people to be like you...But this movie is different, this movie changed my opinions and rocked my foundations. How so? Um where do I start...Is there such a term as being "meant for each other" or is your perfect spouse better defined as someone that pisses you off the least? Was that Joel Barish's case with Clementine? How much does memory equate into love? Do great memories help you get through the banality of a soured friendship? This movie was amazing. Charlie Kaufman movies challenge everything I believe, and invigorate my desire to become a filmmaker. I wish some how I could convey my emotions as perfect as I want to as he does on the page. I never completely feel that I have drained my entire heart on the paper. I wish I had talent. Are you sweating? No. Yes, well I'm riled up. You don't have any idea what I'm talking about. Of course not. Charlie Kaufman can make a scene about masturbation feel powerful, but I can't drive home a point in my own mind. Don't get pissy. I'm not. This is definitely my favorite Charlie Kaufman film, which is saying a lot, seeing as he has written Being John Malkovich and Adaptation. I want to meet him. I want to know if his characters represent parts of him. I've seen pictures of him; he looks kind of like Jim Carrey, Nick Cage, and John Cusack in their respective movies. Is that how we are supposed to write? I always thought a story should be completely fiction. Have I been blind? I remember my favorite quote from the movie, Joel says, "Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?" That was totally me three years ago. So desperate for attention from anybody, falling in love with any pretty girl that gave me the slightest bit of acknowledgement. I was Joel Barish. I guess thats how it works, you write about yourself, and people will find illuminations about their own lives. Share the human experience. He's a genius, and this was a great movie. See it. Sleep please. I never realized Kate Winslet was so hot. Sleep.

Michael Gondry is a god too...I can't shake this movie from my mind. Maybe I should go to Lacuna Inc, haha. Snore.

2004-04-12T21:33:00.000-04:00

Warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That I miss you so

A warning sign
It came back to haunt me, and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
When you were an island to discover
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
I miss you so
And I'm tired
I should not have let you go

Oooooooo

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms